Cataloging Christmas

Signals. . .Wireless. . .What On Earth?. . .Brookstone. . .Orvis. . .Sharper Image. . .Hammacker—Hamhock—Hammock-Slimm----L.L. Bean.  At my house, these are the signs of the season.

The catalogs start coming in September and pick up through October.  By the middle of November I’m getting 2 and 3 a day.  It’s my own fault.

I can’t seem to resist buying something from these catalogs.  And not just silly stuff.  I mean, sure, I was sucked in by the soap dish shaped like a frog—and I don’t even use bar soap.  And who can resist the complete DVD collection of the lost episodes of “Blossom”?  Maybe a visor with the built-in spiky hair wig, and a Christmas ornament in the shape of the human brain.  But there are some good gift ideas in there, too!

So, I buy a cool electronic gadget to give as a gift.  Next thing I know, I’m on yet another catalog list.  And sure enough, when another catalog shows up, I look through it.  And then, before you can say “opt out,” UPS brings me a yard ornament shaped like Spock.  And another catalog.

I must say, though, that all those catalogs have helped me get on top of my Christmas shopping.  I used to be really bad.  One year I gave my family pictures of what I was going to get them in February.  Or March.  Now, I can actually get shopping done before the holidays are over.  And, bonus, I don’t have to go to the mall.  I haven’t been to the mall since 1989.

It’s good to get my Christmas shopping done early for a change.  I still can’t compete with one of my sisters.  I remember one year, I met her in February while she was shopping for the next Christmas, and I was shopping for the gifts that matched the pictures I gave my family the previous Christmas.

Catalogs can be good.  There are just so many of them.  And if you don’t order anything from one for say, 7 years, they send you a note with the next one saying “This could be your last catalog!”  It never is. 

But with so many catalogs, you can usually find that one unique gift for that person who is really hard to shop for.  Like last year, for example, I got my sister a fake rock that hides a spare house key.  The look on her face said it all.  She was speechless. 

This year, I got one of my other sisters something special from one of those catalogs, but I don’t want to say what it is in case she reads this.  But, I can tell you that it---well, let’s just say she won’t be needing to buy a winged cat gargoyle garden sculpture!  Plus, I signed her up for the catalog.  So, guess who’s getting extra family points this Christmas?

And for those of you who are wondering, the answer is yes.  I do keep the SkyMall catalogs when I fly.